Going Beyond Cultivating Choice, Confidence, and Consistency
OK … you’ve realized that making your own choices is the only way to go to lose weight … and become proactive about everything else. And flexing your choice muscles builds the confidence to break away from the diet (and other)-obsessed flock and do your own thing. Then armed with the power of choice, and the accumulation of confidence, you can be consistent about your lifestyle changes … whatever they are.
But It Can’t Stop There
The downside of that first shift … realizing and basking in the power of choice … is that you may end up with the following narcissistic and isolating behaviors, according to Benjamin Hardy’s article about this subject in Medium …)
· It’s all about “them”
· Their vision doesn’t extend beyond their own needs and goals
· They become satisfied with and distracted by their success
· They stop doing the very things that created their success (i.e., they stop learning and working)
· They forget their “why”
· They become perfectionist, and lose their drive to fail and learn
· They over-attach themselves to their success and perceived identity
· They go from offense to defense — rather than seeking more they focus their energy on maintaining what they’ve acquired
· They become obsessed with constant affirmation from themselves and others, and stop seeking genuine feedback
· They don’t learn how to work well with others
· They think their way is the ‘right’ way
· They can’t trust other people enough to delegate or collaborate
When I read this, I felt as if I had been smacked roundly in the face with a wet, smelly rag. Albeit, Hardy’s article is about mental shifts of highly successful people, but the same applies to anyone contemplating authentic, multi-mystical weight loss. It’s a tough proposition and can be isolating … shunning others and their outdated beliefs.
And, being human, we tend to lose perspective at any given moment … feeling the need to justify our behavior at the expense of new ideas or other valid life pathways. Personally, having conquered the possibilities of choice and confidence, I’ve forgotten (or ignored) some of the aspects of the second shift, which include …
The Power of Lifelong Learning
People who REALLY excel with change aren’t afraid to explore new thoughts and … possibly change their minds about what they’re doing. I’m totally OK with this concept. Hey … I used to think that the best way to treat eating disorders or compulsive overeating … which is just disordered eating in another guise … was to make friends with the food-aberrated self and welcome it into our healthy persona. Now I think differently.
I’ve recently become enamored of a new paradigm of weight loss. And it’s one of the synchronicity events of my life that, while showing someone my book, Gluten Free in 5 Days, on Amazon, I happened upon yet another book with an open-mouth cover (I had my artist do exactly that with my own cover that to attract prospective readers) called Never Binge Again. Since it was free, I got it on a whim.
And was smacked again with the idea that, instead of making friends with our food-aberrated self, we need to cage it. By doing stuff to keep it caged, like creating our own food plan. I haven’t finished the book yet, but I instantly gave some of the ideas a try. It just made sense to me. And that should be the watchword … “sense”. Because once you get that yours is the ultimate choice, you have to depend upon your own confidence about those choices to decide what’s right for you. Intuition may have to be employed here.
I’m also deep into exploring treating the ravages of parasites on the body. And now have four people (including myself) on cleanses. They just showed up … wanting it. Another synchronicity. And, again, I instantly saw this as a missing piece to why people don’t get entirely well even after food sensitivity and supplement treatment. And am pursuing it wholeheartedly, sampling several protocols and learning as much as I can.
I don’t think I’ll ever stop learning. Or making what I do and how I live better. Hardy says, “You want to be wrong and you want feedback. You care more about learning than what other people think about you”. And so should you.
The Power of Community
I did my best work … including publishing a book … when I was in a fabulous community of successful women who both inspired and pushed me. Who I could share ideas with and create new ones.
People who are successful at something tend to think that their ideas are the only ones that matter. Nothing is further from the truth. And I must admit that I’ve been amiss in finding a new group after this one disbanded about three years ago.
We need community to, as Hardy says, “go beyond independence to a state of interdependence, where you experience synergistic relationships in all areas of your life”. Relationships that not only help you with life and career projects but buoy you up when things go wrong, which they inevitably do.
Women are much better than men at collaborating and being team players. Men more often exhibit those ego-driven behaviors that Hardy noted above. So it might be a good idea for women to join groups that promote the ideals of the goal they’re going for. So I’ve been thinking more and more that I have to start an “Are You Weighting? Stop Weighting … Start Living” support group. Because I can’t find one anywhere.
We’ll explore other aspects of Hardy’s second mental shift, like 10X Thinking, Resting, Collaborating, and Quality, in Part Three … so watch for it.
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
~ Max Planck, German quantum theorist and Nobel Prize winner
Leave Your Comments About How to Change Your Mind about Diets … and Everything Else Part Two Below
Once you understand that losing weight is about choice, what other things come up for you? Do you think that you’re the only one on the planet doing what you’re doing? How successful are you doing that all alone?